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Story Notes:
This is written in dialogue only form, but it reads pretty easy - you can follow who is talking easily.
"So let me get this straight, you want me to have dinner with you. A date typed dinner?"

"Yeah, well that was the general theory."

"Are you drunk?"

"What? No. Look I just want to have dinner, is that such a crime?"

"No, what you want is to have a dinner *DATE*. A date, with me. Which leads me to question your sanity."

"Well I already questioned it before I came here. I still want to have dinner with you."

"Maybe you should see Carson, you're obviously not well."

"Do you have to be such an infuriating prick?"

"Oh charming, really, ask me for a date then call me an infuriating prick. You know my interpersonal skills maybe lacking quite a bit but even I know you aren't supposed to insult the person you're asking on a date!"

"Well you're being pretentious."

"I'm always pretentious, that’s one of my better qualities, so I repeat my query, are you drunk? Drugged? Possessed by an alien? Or have you just finally inescapably lost the plot?"

"I lost it long ago. Are we going to dinner or not."

"I'm not in the habit of dining with people who call me a prick."

"Infuriating prick."


"Would saying I'm sorry help?"


"Oh. Well I am... I mean you are an infuriating prick, but I kinda like when you're being infuriating, well when we aren't in imminent danger of dying anyway."

"You are insane."

"Yes, fine I'm insane, dinner?"


"Because we need to eat, and we may as well eat together."

"I mean... why me? I know I'm an infuriating prick and picky and bitchy and those are a few of my nicer qualities."

"You're smart, funny, brave... and I like you're eyes... and you're ass."

"You think I have a nice ass?"

"Well... yeah..."

"Huh... well I mean of course I do, what was I even thinking asking I..."


"You called me a prick."

"You called yourself a prick."

"I was making a point."

"So was I, you're infuriating."

"You know this isn't convincing me to go to dinner with you."

"But you will, go to dinner with me."

"Give me one good reason."

"One... okay... you like me."

"I like Carson, I wouldn't date him."

"Well no, because Teyla would kick you're ass if you laid a hand on her man, but you *like* me."

"Well that’s a distinction."

"Look, just... I like you, you're... you."

"Well I'm hardly anyone else."

"Damn it! Just say yes."


"Why not."


"That’s not an answer."

"It's my answer."


"I don't like you or *like* you."

"Yes you do."

"No I don't... I *like* like you, and that always ends badly."

"You love me?"

"Not entirely."

"But you're falling in love with me?"


"That’s... wow... cool."

"No it isn't."

"Why not?"

"Because you'll realize how infuriating I really am, and then you'll end up dating... Ford or someone."

"Ford! Eww."

"I said or someone."

"I don't want someone, I want you and I know how infuriating you really are. I've thought about tossing you off a balcony more than once."

"You did toss me off one."

"I meat an outside one."

"Well that’s pleasant."

"You were being infuriating at the time."

"I'm being infuriating now, does that mean you want to throw me off a balcony?"

"No, mostly just on you're bed."

"Fast mover aren't you?"

"I asked you to dinner first, but you keep saying no."


"I'll catch you."


"If you fall, I'll catch you."


"Will you catch me?"

"I... guess... yeah."

"Nice. So if we catch each other, that might not be so bad."

"No, maybe not."

"So you hungry?"

"I'm still not having dinner with you."

"Why the hell not!?!"

"I'm hungry for desert."

"Well when you put it like that..."

*fading sounds of hot monkey sex... and they never did have that date*

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