I can still remember it like it was yesterday, instead it was five, no six years ago, I was a whole different person back then, weaker physically, but stronger emotionally, not that you would have know it at the time.
I was so screwed up, addicted to a piece of alien technology, “the man who would be king” that’s what Jack called me when he came to talk to me in the palace where I was staying with Shyla while he, while they were worked to the bone in the caves, mining for Naquada that was barely there.
That was when everything changed for me, when I stopped looking for my life, because that’s when I found it.
I don’t remember much about coming down of the addiction when we got back to the SGC, I remember me running, I had a gun, I was so confused I was sure everyone was trying to kill me, and that’s why they were keeping me from the Sarcophagus.
Jack came after me of course, just like always, never leaves anyone behind, and even though I was at the SGC in the physical sense I left some of my soul in that Sarcophagus, but Jack got it back for me.
The storeroom was dark, safe I thought; no one would look there would they? Jack did, I tried to fight him then, tried to kill him, I had the gun pointed, ready to shoot him, and he just looked at me…
“Do you want to kill me Daniel?”
“I know what this is, I’ve been there…”
“It’s ok Danny, I’m here”
So clear the words, were so clear, the look on his face was so clear, in that moment everything I had ever wanted was in front of me, and I couldn’t have it, sometimes things being clear sucked, badly.
Nothing happened then, nothing more than the barest touch of his lips against my temple, I think he thought I never felt it, or that I forgot it in my drugged state, but I never did, I never will, it was the first sign I had that he might feel something for me.
It was a full three years before anything ever came of that moment, I lost my wife, though in all honesty I gave up on her long before I lost her, I regret that, but I think, I know she would have been glad to know I have found happiness again.
I think maybe she knew I loved him, even before I did, on Abydos I think she knew, I wish maybe I had, except I don’t, because I wouldn’t have traded my time with Shaur’re for the anything, not even Jack.
It took us both nearly dying – again – before anything came of that first moment in the storeroom, but something did come of it, one late night, on the observation deck of Jack’s, no our house, it was cold, and I don’t know why but I saw Jack shivering, and I just couldn’t resist warming him up, not that he complained much, I am so glad the old lady that lives in the next door house to him is deaf, or she would have heard it all.
I wonder sometimes if Jack remembers the first moment, I wonder if he knew it was a moment at all, I wonder should I tell him.
“Daniel” I thought he was asleep… guess not.
“Stop wondering, you're keeping me awake” ok, brain shut up for a little while.
“What are you thinking about at this time of night anyway?”
“Nothing much Jack, just thinking about the first moment I knew I loved you” well I see no point in lying to him.
“Oh? What about it?” I thought he wanted me to stop thinking, and keeping him awake, doesn’t talking defeat that?
“Just stuff, maybe I’ll tell you someday”
“I knew I loved you then too”
I guess I don’t have to tell him after all.