Jack turned over, restless and unable to sleep. The bed felt cold and lonely. He knew it was his own fault, when he'd seen that young medic flirting with Martin, he'd seen red. He knew, God knows he knew Martin would never do that to him, but there were still those last niggling doubts and fears.
Jack wasn't a young man anymore and he was probably too set in his ways. Martin could do better, deserved better, but still, he'd told Jack, shown Jack, time and again, that he loved him.
And what had Jack done?
At the first sign of someone else moving in on his younger lover, he'd frozen, let anger get the better of him.
So now he was alone, cold and alone in his bed wishing desperately that Martin was by his side, curled around him, warming his body and his heart.
"I'm a fool," Jack said aloud, the words coming back and near deafening in the silence of the bedroom.
"Can't say I disagree," a soft voice startled him. He hadn't heard anyone enter his apartment.
"I have a key Jack," Martin reminded him.
"I didn't think you'd come back," Jack said honestly, his voice a little more horse than he'd like.
"You said it, you're a fool," Martin said.
Jack snorted. "A jealous old fool," Jack agreed.
"You're not so old, but I'll give you the jealous fool part," Martin said, moving into the dim light coming from the window. He was still half in shadow, but Jack could see he was still wearing his suit, the tie loosened and a days growth of stubble on his chin.
"I'm sorry Martin," Jack said and it was an honest apology, for being jealous and foolish, for forgetting that Martin had promised never to hurt him, for getting angry instead of admitting the truth that he was still scared that Martin would find someone else, someone younger and better.
Martin sighed softly. "You're a fool, but you’re my fool. I love you Jack, I'm not going to go back on that just 'cause you're occasionally a jealous bastard... or for any other reason. I've told you that and I'll keep telling you, but you need to start believing me Jack."
"I do," Jack swore. "I just don't believe myself, how lucky I am. When everything happened with Sam, when my marriage fell apart, when I lost my girls, I thought my life was over, all I had left was my job, I never thought I'd fall in love again and even if I did, I never expected it to be you, to be so lucky that... that someone like you could ever..." Jack paused, unsure what to say, how to describe all he felt. It scared him and he was afraid it would scare Martin too. Martin was too important to him, he didn't want to loose that and if he told him, he might, but if he didn't he surely would, so Jack pushed on.
"You put me back together when I was broken, made me feel again, laugh again. I don't deserve you but somehow you love me and I'm half afraid it's a dream I'm going to wake up from, or that you're going to wake up from and decide you've been wasting your time with me and find someone else, someone who can give you all the things you deserve, marriage, kids, a real home..." Jack stopped when Martin's fingers gently pressed against his lips.
"My home is where ever you are, nothing else matters," Martin said softly, cupping Jack's face as he leaned down to kiss him, sweet and tender and it made Jack want to kick himself again for being such a fool.
"I love you," Martin promised, pushing him back, curling around him, still fully dressed.
Jack felt the heat of Martin's body seep into his own. "I love you too," Jack said, yawning quietly as he settled, Martin's forgiveness, his warmth wrapped around Jack's body and heart, enough to lift the weight from Jack's chest and he slept soundly.